The first laugh line in an amiable PMQs came as soon as Labour’s indomitable deputy stood up. Explaining why she was at the despatch box, Angela Rayner slipped a sly, almost imperceptible shiv between her leader’s ribs saying he was in Samoa, looking for ideas about economic growth.
There are many reasons to visit the far-flung tropical paradise but “ideas for economic growth” is not one of them.
Having said that, their ancestral traditions of headhunting, spear-fighting and feasting on the organs of enemies will serve us all well when Labour’s net zero requirements meet their industrial strategy – but that’s for another time.
Questioners asked Angela about her signature dishes – Renters Reform and Day One Rights – and her answers provoked short, dense shouts of approval from behind her. For all her policies’ morbid effects on the economy and society, on renters and workers, on jobs and health and workplace relations and prosperity – she brings joy to Labour hearts. She is Labour’s throbbing socialist soul and her party loves her for it.
What was Keir thinking, giving her his slot to go to Samoa? Free trip, of course, first class cabin, nice hotel, nodding palms. But the more his party sees of his deputy the more they yearn towards her. She is why they joined Labour. To champion the vulnerable, bring comfort to the weary, minister to the dying, forgive us our sins, make the world a better place.
That it means feasting on the organs of the working class by taking their jobs, bankrupting their companies and closing their factories need not be faced.
Thus, Angela was able to answer Oliver Dowden’s unanswerable question with insuperable ideological confidence. He asked, “What is her definition of working people?” and she cried, “All those people let down by 14 years of Tory failure!”
It’s not the OED definition but it worked in the space.
Dowden asked if she agreed with the IFS who said that working people would suffer from an increase in employer NICs. He got ‘black hole’ back from that and so asked whether she agreed with herself when she described such an increase as an attack on working people?
She replied with Tory chaos, a 70-year high in taxes, and the mess they left behind.
Relations crossed a tipping point abruptly, as they can in the House, when Dowden mentioned this was to be their last exchange “Awwww!” And Angela referred to the Battle of the Gingers, and one or the other of them in the context of the Commonwealth talked about the shared “historical and cultural ties – much like the pair of us”. More “Awwwww!”
It was a glimpse of good nature and a life outside, below politics.
But she had to close on Tory chaos and “rebuilding Britain” and it was impossible not to reflect on our national ills. The 70-year tax high, the 100 per cent public debt, the sick bill, the economic stagnation – it all goes back to lockdown and the £400 billion debt (as Paul Hogan said, “No. THIS is a black hole.”).
The single greatest public policy error in anyone’s lifetime, it was mandated by the Tories and whooped on by Labour. Both parties implicated in and responsible for the fastest public spending since World War Two, and neither side now able to acknowledge the error
As the Tories go into their Corbyn years, the argument in this form won’t win for either party. They are two fighting crocodiles in a death roll with each other. It will end in tears, obviously, and two very sorry crocodiles.
No wonder Nigel Farage is looking so cheerful.
PS: A late questioner gave us a nice example of political overreach. She wanted her Government “to do everything to keep menopausal women happy, healthy and wonderful”.
Of the many things beyond the power of government – even more than bringing peace to the Middle East – that is almost certainly the first.
Those who are sated of Labour’s gift-aid scandals may look forward to a few sex-based novelties. The Labour couple said to have been at it in the Reasons Room (not the Reasons Room!) have been relocated to the Aye Lobby lavatory. This is an anonymous revelation even when the couple is named as no one has ever heard of them. They are new intake, as Frankie Howerd would be pleased to note. On the other hand, a more prominent name is said to be running amok on the estate with a libido the size of a small pig – knocking down fences, rooting in the soil, and truffling in public. That name can’t be suppressed forever, can it? It’s in no one’s interests.
