Not one of us!

People make the mistake of seeing the UUP as a political party dedicated to achieving power for the betterment of NI.

That was never the case. It was dedicated to achieving power for the betterment of big house unionists and their professional and middle class protestant sons and daughters.

When they ceased to have the power to deliver this, they lost their raison d’être.

So now they are more like a club where old geezers go on about the good old days and bemoan modernism in all its forms. It’s 2,000 members all come from “good families” made up of people with “sound” views.

Beattie, who might seem old fashioned to the rest of us, was actually too much of a “moderniser” for them. He wasn’t one of the club. He thought the UUP was about winning elections and needed to have a coherent strategy to expand its voting base.

But that is not what the UUP is now about. Its about old geezers in tweed jackets complaining about the modern world over a brandy or port at the club. It’s about who you are, and who you are related to, and who might help you get a good job.

Popularity with the hoi polloi is deeply suspect. Actually standing for election is a bit naff. Beattie was ok as a kind of PR outreach consultant, but he wasn’t really “one of us”.

But the dog wasn’t actually meant to catch the car, and now UUP members are in a right pickle. Could he not just have gone quietly, like a good man? Not really senior officer material, I’d say.

So now the UUP membership have to pick yet another leader from a crowded field of non-evident talent. Perhaps they will take a leaf out of the history book where they imported Enoch Powell when the Conservatives had had enough of him.

How about “importing” Lis Truss, Penny Mordaunt, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Grant Shapps, Alex Chalk, Gillian Keegan, Lucy Frazer, Johnny Mercer, Michelle Donelan, Simon Hart or other now redundant Conservative cabinet Minister? Mind you, Colonel Tim Collins wasn’t a roaring success…

Alternatively, why not just fold the UUP into the Conservative Party and be done with it? They are looking for a new leader too and have some outstanding candidates for the job like Priti Patel and Kemi Badenoch with noted expertise in bridge building and Irish affairs…

But they’re not really the right sort either. Britain has gone to the dogs. Not enough true Brits left. Pretty soon the UUP membership will be the only true Brits left at this rate. Damn those immigrants at the gate! Damn the modern world! We want our country back!

Now where was I? Ah yes, c. 1955.

Frank Schnittger is the author of Sovereignty 2040, a future history of how Irish re-unification might work out. He has worked in business in Dublin and London and, on a voluntary basis, for charities in community development, education, restorative justice and addiction services.