Bearded Theory 2024 – Festival Review

Bearded Theory Festival
Catton Hall, Derbyshire
23rd – 26th May 2024

Celebrating their fifteenth edition, Bearded Theory never lets the weather dampen the spirits. Neil Crud made a whistlestop visit to review Friday and Saturday.

Bearded Theory festival has come a long way since its inception at the Knockerdown pub in 2007. It grew each year and changed locations until finally settling at Catton Park in 2014, where it has been ever since, gaining prestigious awards along the way. There were soothsayers fearing the worst when DHP promoters bought into this independent festival a couple of years ago, but it has been business as usual, and business is good.

The South Derbyshire heavens opened and ensured Bearded Theory 2024 was going to be a mud, sweat and beers affair. My contribution was going to be a whistlestop, and I landed on Friday night just as Dexys were playing their final song on the main stage (The Pallet stage). Taking in the good mood vibe and kindred spirits, undampened by the sludge and the mud underfoot, it was clear Bearded Theory is a family affair of all ages; kids are well catered for with an activity filled Children’s Village, a funfair and the Bubble Inc stall, which was a big hit.

For the grown ups, Future Islands have come a long since that performance on the Late Show with David Letterman a decade ago. You would grant this Baltimore based synth-pop band superstar status (particularly charismatic vocalist, Samuel T. Herring) if it wasn’t for their humble nature. On Friday, it was all about performance and the audience’s gratitude for such a cool show. Spanning their eighteen years and seven albums, Herring said Future Islands were going to make the most of their ninety minute slot. They certainly did that, dishing up the seldom performed Back In The Tall Grass, alongside King Of Sweden, Plastic Beach, Peach, Before The Bridge, and (of course) Seasons (Waiting On You). Herring commands the huge stage with his larger than life character; he’s absorbing as he’s contorting and cavorting, but he’s also your best mate.

Bearded Theory has many a stage for many a genre, so we gave New Model Army a nod as we passed the rammed Meadows tent, took in some cool trippy reggae vibes as we wriggled through the Something Else Tea tent, and made our way to see the ever enchanting and encapsulating Jane Weaver at the Woodlands Stage (colloquially renamed the Mudlands Stage). After Kill Laura in 1997, Weaver embarked on a solo career that has admirably twisted and turned its way through to the present day, taking onboard psychedelica-electronica-folk with impressive results. She and the band were lit up against the darkness of the woodland trees; almost magical, a perfect storm, a revolution of perfect visions. I was in love and it was a constant spectacle.

The night can be as long as you like, with the Coda tent blasting out the beats thanks to Leeroy Prodigy and Roni Size et al. For me (with an eleven year old in tow) it was an expensive fish supper for two and a trudge back to the campsite to recharge for tomorrow.

By Saturday, the weather had cleared up, the sludge underfoot was turning into soft chocolate and we perused the colourful stalls and chilled out in the Children’s Village. The first act of the day was Thy Last Drop at the Maui Waui tent. It was a feel-good way for many to shake off their hangovers, rattling their corpses to the Gogol Bordello-intense, high tempo vagabondic folk. Check out their latest album Volka and you’ll immediately catch my drift.

After unceremoniously managing to miss The Meffs, we soaked up the pleasant weather and cool ebb and flow of Goat Girl. They welcomed in the afternoon with their laid back feel and Lottie’s husky, breathy, dreamy voice. That lounge vibe was punctuated with discombobulated discordant parts, perhaps overly complicated at times, yet a welcome jolt all the same. New song Ride Around was pretty neat too – looking forward to the new album Below The Waste (out June 7th on Rough Trade).

Now, I’ll admit – I could happily spend the whole weekend in the Convoy Cabaret tent. A place where both dreams and nightmares simultaneously come true. Where artful dodgers doff their caps to you and psychotic cyberpunks spike your vegan hotdog with Peri Peri sauce. This was where we were introduced to the wonderfully named Daffodildos. This Brighton-based queer-punk ensemble were screaming ‘Crisis, crisis it’s a cost of living crisis,’ as we squeezed our way in. It’s spunky, shouty, colourful and good fun, and in spite of their forthcoming EP being called Not My Cup Of Tea – they certainly were.

An absolute mainstay of Bearded Theory (and many other festivals) is reactionary punk poet Attilla The Stockbroker, who (like every time) absolutely packed the Something Else tea tent. Standing outside in the warm sunshine, unable to get closer, I took in a lot of new material he was reciting from his imaginary pulpit; from the sombre, anger-inducing piece about the appalling atrocities happening right now in the Middle East, to more humorous poems in his bulging repertoire.

SPOILER ALERT: We all die in the end. Killdren will tell you that, but, while this is inevitable, they aren’t going down without a fight. Hailing from North Wales and ‘somewhere down south’ this two-bit politically charged rave-punk outfit could be considered one of the most dangerous in the country. They certainly gave Daily Mail readers a collective aneurysm with their single Kill Tory Scum (Before They Kill You). Killdren are the antithesis of everything that disgusting publication stands for. There’s never a dull moment, and as they smashed their way through their set I had the urge to order a Molotov from the cocktail bar and start a revolution. Their album The Illuminaughty will both enlighten and inspire you. 

Forgive me, for when Carter USM were 30 Something, I was abroad travelling far away from all the music of the early nineties, missing Nirvana, Jane’s Addiction and their ilk. So my compadres’ excitement at Jim Bob performing on The Pallet Stage didn’t fill me with the same level of dopamine. But hey! fair play, I did miss a trick while I was hitch hiking across the continent all those years ago… I also missed the fact that Jim Bob has since put out a library of albums since that unstoppable sex machine stopped. After seeing him this time, I realised I have a lot of catching up to do. Opening with the shared sentiment of a couple of years ago, Stuff The Jubilee and finishing with the other Carter, Fruitbat joining onstage, we were all angelstruck by the only living boys in New Cross.

With a new album eleven years in the making and a huge North American tour pending, purple goths, The March Violets are snake dancing their way back into the minds and hearts of those who matter. The show, against a cool video backdrop, was pretty upbeat and, dare I say, life affirming for a closet goth like myself. New bassist, Matt Thorpe, slotting in well alongside the mainstays of guitarist Tom Ashton and the cool vocals of vampire queen, Rosie Garland. Oh, and of course, legendary drum-machine Dr Rhythm.

That was, in a nutshell, my Bearded Theory festival – an insight into a handful of the hundred or so acts who performed this year. It’s an event I don’t really like reviewing because I want it all to myself…

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All words and photos by Neil Crud. Check out Neil’s Bearded Theory Review Show on Louder Than War Radio