The Stories We Tell Ourselves…

Are they fact or are they fiction? It doesn’t really matter, because these stories are what we believe and we are mostly hard wired to see them as the truth.

Slugger is a platform for us to share our deep seated beliefs on a daily basis. When we read opposing viewpoints it is natural for us to feel pretty bewildered and even angry.

Yet, in the context of NI we view history and what happened here through different prisms. This cannot be disputed, yet is often forgotten.

This piece is not about clearing up misconceptions as to the rights and wrongs of what went on here. Or establishing the facts.

We are all guilty of thinking and hoping and believing something to be true. That we are on the right side.

These feelings are powerful. Yet we need to be wary of them, because they often belong to us by an accident of birth.

As an egocentric species we can often recognise bias in others, while not seeing it in ourselves. No matter how fair minded we believe ourselves to be, we are pretty much universally afflicted with the bias blind spot.

I found this extract from paragraphs 2/3 on page 8 of The Bias Blind Spot and its Implications by Lee Ross, Joyce Ehrlinger and Thomas Gilovich. 

“Evidence from….real world experiences in peace-building through citizen dialogue in Northern Ireland and in the Middle-East suggest that enlightened and good-hearted people on both sides of such conflicts are often willing, even eager, to meet with their counterparts. But that willingness is predicated on the assumption that once one explains to the other side how things “really are”—that is, once one corrects the other side’s “misconceptions” about history, motives, conceptions of justice, etc., those on the other side will be willing to make the kinds of concessions they vowed they would never make.

Rarely if ever do the antagonists come to the discussions expressing the hope that doing so will “clear up my own misconceptions,” or “prompt me to see the wisdom of making heretofore unacceptable concessions.”

In a society like ours, we need to accept that the prospect of fundamentally changing the “story” or “truth” of someone from another community is pretty low. We generate a fair amount of heat and use a lot of energy here on Slugger, often to no avail. So why aggressively argue about these things until the cows come home? Are we just indulging ourselves and massaging our egos?

I think it’s wise to focus on what we want to achieve and then how best to achieve it. To start with the belief that the good or bad in people of both communities is fundamentally the same. To examine our own culture and try to understand how elements of it could be inflammatory to others. To be curious as to why people on the other side are okay with something we find provocative.

In other words, seek to understand.

I’d be interested to know if anyone has influenced you to see things differently? Perhaps on Slugger or in day to day life. If so, how did that happen?

I’m wary of being cast as a letgetalongerist by a long time Slugger poster, but I’m not aspiring to be fluffy and vague and beige. I don’t think anyone who knows me would say I don’t know my own mind. Indeed, I am perhaps a Lundy to some people. However despite considering myself to be open minded, I have a bias blind spot, the same as all of you.

I don’t think we can underestimate the importance of the stories we are told and often go on to tell ourselves. Stories are woven into our thinking and become part of the fabric that either holds our communities together or drives them apart.

As a friend said, “Stories are everything after all. People have their individual stories, communities have a communal story and nations have national stories. Sometimes national stories are termed history, but I think the distinction is that history is the truth, whereas the national story is the version of history countries tell themselves.”

Some people would argue that even history is not necessarily the same as the truth.

But that’s something for another day, or post.