The Scottish Greens, in a feat of remarkable hubris and financial profligacy, stood 44 candidates in this week’s general election, knowing that most of them would lose their deposits, which they duly did.
But not quite all of them. And there the comedy arose.
Because while SNP boneheads on social media are raging idiotically at Alba, Wings and others for causing division and damaging the unity of the indy cause yada yada yada, a small handful of Green candidates made a real difference.
Working on the reasonable assumption that most Green votes would have gone to the SNP in the absence of a Green candidate – given the parties were in coalition till five minutes ago – the 4,233 votes that went to creepy abusive crossdressing bloke Iris Duane would have given the seat to Alison Thewliss (pictured NOT winning it, above).
Over in Edinburgh East and Musselburgh, the 4,669 votes won by Amanda Grimm would have been more than enough to keep Tommy Sheppard in place.
And the Greens also made sure the Tories held Dumfries & Galloway as they battled the SNP to see whose vote could fall the most.
The SNP candidate’s the one on the left, by the way. For now.
But it gets better. Back in Glasgow, “he/him” Green candidate Niall Christie – who had urged people to vote against Labour in order to protect queer and trans rights – got 5,554 votes which would otherwise likely have saved the job of Stewart McDonald, and handed the seat to Labour instead, despite the apparent voice of Mount Florida.
Only one response seems appropriate:
But we’ve saved the best for last. Because at least those three Greens got double-digit vote shares, saved their deposits and came a respectable 3rd. But up in Stirling and Strathallan, a proper no-hoper trailed in 6th, lost his deposit but still managed to leech away 2,320 votes that would have saved the job of… Alyn “Daddy Bear” Smith.
Readers, irony hasn’t come this thick and juicy since Nicola Sturgeon’s long-time consigliere, and hyper-aggressive transactivist, Mhairi Hunter (below, top) lost her job on Glasgow City Council to Scottish Greens dude-in-a-dress Elaine Gallagher.
We congratulate and thank the Scottish Greens for doing a useful service to Scottish and UK politics for the first time in their lives, and offer them our heartfelt wishes for many more such successes in future.
